FINAL ARRANGEMENTS

I went to a funeral a couple of months ago.
Not an uncommon occurrence.
But this was a little different - actually quite different.

The funeral took the form of readings, prayers and music because the young minister had been given clear instructions prior to the man's death that he wanted no tributes or eulogies. As a result, by the end of the hour long service, those present knew little more about him than we had before. There was no life overview, and no personal anecdotes to bring discovery, tears, laughter, and thanksgiving and make the deceased more real, even as he moved from our sight.

People will give this instruction for all sorts of reasons e.g.

• Speakers talk more about themselves than the one who's died or they go on too long
• 'I don't want to any fuss'
• 'I don't want people saying nice things about me or making me out to be something I'm not'

But someone once said to me, 'Funerals are for the living, not the departed,' and there is a truth in that. I don't know if you're like me, but I've often valued the diverse perspectives that a thoughtful biography and two or three  well-crafted tributes can provide. Sure they are only glimpses of different contexts in which the deceased was involved, but they paint a fuller picture of the person's  character and life, not just the part we may happen to have shared.

And when different generations are given the opportunity to remember a mum or granddad, their participation in a significant family ritual will be a blessing to them in spite of their grief, and a reminder to us of the impact for good a caring older relative can make.

So, maybe,when we come to make our 'final arrangements' we might allow those who attend a glimpse into our background and the things which have been significant be they people, places, work or play, our faith even our failures. It's a gift to those present if we can provide  a space for trusted family or friends to share their stories, their struggles and their love in the presence of a supportive community.

Then at the end of the service, our 'goodbyes' will be informed by a deeper understanding and appreciation of who the person was in this world, even as we commend them on their journey of

becoming in Christ.