WINTER WILDNESS

There's a verse from Psalm 23 that's familiar to many - 'He leads me beside still waters ...' a reminder that our God knows our need for rest and refreshment and is always willing to help us find a way of taking some time out.
But it wasn't still waters that spoke to me on my walk today.  Instead the waters were wild, wavetops swept back like a certain president's hair, foam popping up in the shallows, water crashing  as sea-surge met reef.

I've always been drawn to the sea when it's wild like this - perhaps it's because I've never been 'wild' and I can see in it a freedom and chaotic beauty which I did not experience for my first few decades.

I was a compliant child, keen for approval, not wanting to step out of line in case the emotional support I so needed dried up. I never had hair long enough to be blown all over the place in the wind; I never put myself at risk of being in seas too hard for me to handle, in water  - or in situations - which were out of my depth.

 But over the last twenty years or so, actually since I was ordained priest, something interesting has been happening - the  fledgling wildness within - tiny by some people's standards, has been growing :  expressing itself in more of a willingness to stand up, to speak out, and not to worry overly about what others might think. I've repeatedly been invited to step out  beyond the cliched 'comfort zone' and pick up opportunities that test me and sometimes frighten me but which always push me further in my trust journey with Jesus. Time and time again, I've found the faithful provision of  his Loving Presence is  enough to get me through. And the wildness within - the desire to play - the appreciation of others' capacity to work on the margins - continues to draw me, challenge me.

It's not plain sailing of course. I can still be influenced by others not to 'walk on the wild side' - I noticed it when I was on holiday recently - there was part of me that REALLY wanted to try the flying fox - a 250m journey quite high up through the rain forest in Queensland.  I'd never done anything like that before but I looked at the others enjoying the adventure and I was ready to give it a go, until I let myself be persuaded by someone who loves me and wants to keep me safe, not to take the risk.   But I did try out the children's version later that day!

As we explore some of the riches of the contemplative Christian tradition, as we allow the Spirit to transform our inner being, we discover more of our true selves and begin to know the glorious freedom of the children of God.

In the New Zealand Prayer Book  [p.186] there's a lovely blessing that reads :

The blessing of God

the eternal goodwill of God, 

the shalom of God, 

the wildness and the warmth of God, 

be among us and between us, now and always. 

The 'wildness and warmth' of God - now there's something to contemplate. Enjoy!

BALANCE and BEAUTY

BALANCE and BEAUTY

The walkway by the Tasman Sea is a favourite place - always a different combination of sea conditions, sky, birds, people, dogs, wind, prams and bikes. One thing that seems always to be the same however, is the rocky edge, countless boulders put in place to repel the wild power of the waves and only occasionally breached by a super strong storm surge or king tide. 

But I was in for a surprise a few days ago when I was walking with my husband and dog and discovered that someone had been rock-scaping, building stone sculptures along the sea front.

Stone on stone, no glue, no wire, 
just stone on stone. 

Balance and beauty.

Over a hundred examples of two young men's careful selection, imagination, patience, and persistence, all imbued with a sense of joy and delight, playfulness and pleasure - for the makers and those who wandered past and marveled.

And as I stood and took it all in I was reminded of my own need to play and the challenge of maintaining balance in the midst of a full life. It's a common plight - too much to do, and too little time. It would be easy to work all the hours that God sends, but I'm finally beginning to discover the value of little practices such as turning off the laptop at 5pm and the freedom a Sabbath day on a Wednesday [Sunday's often a 'workday'] can bring. Better late than never!

As I write this now, I'm also a bit more aware of the joy and delight with which the divine energy , whom I name as God made visible in Jesus, spoke the Creation into being. And what a blessing it is - to us - and to the 'Love which makes the world go round' - when something as seemingly simple as stone upon stone, can reflect the creative energy with which we are all born. 

That creativity - whether it's expressed in making music, gardening, quilting, writing, cooking, crafting, problem-solving, making a little go a long way, building something large or small, or in countless other ways - can help us nurture a balanced life, because creativity comes from God who wants only what is best for each one of us.

Time for me to go and start a new quilt!

What will it be for you?

THE STICK INSECT

The sun was warm on my back as I returned from a morning walk  - it had been the coldest night so far this autumn and everyone I'd seen had been bundled up in layers of merino, with scarves, hats, and gloves, their breath little puffs in the cutting air.

As I reached home there it was on the letterbox, the largest stick insect I had ever seen: a very impressive 6 inches / 15 cm. So I stopped and stood to one side, not wanting to block the sun, drawn to its size and stillness.

I was enjoying the thought that, like many of us that morning, it was seeking warmth and had come out of hiding into broad daylight to find a sun-baked spot. But then, as so often happens with my mind, I found my thoughts flicking over into 'rescue mode'and the interior struggle began.

Should I move it?
What if I dropped it or hurt it?
Should I leave it alone?
What if the cat got it?
And so on ...

Some of you may recognise this pattern: 
the compulsive concern for the well-being of others;  the hand-wringing wondering about our responsibility to 'help' or 'save' or 'solve'; and the at times painful anxiety about consequences if we don't act. 

It's a childhood pattern of course, set up in my case by my attempts to maintain the well-being and equanimity of my emotionally needy and unpredictable mother.  I know now that where  'rescuing' people is concerned, good intentions can easily morph into 'controlling' the other and 'smother love' can take over.When I'm at risk of falling into that unhealthy pattern - whether it's about a stick insect or a person struggling with a major issue, I know now that I need to find a pathway through to a healthier conclusion both for the object of my concern and for myself.

And I knew I would find that pathway in silence, giving space for  inner wisdom to emerge as I listened to the Spirit.

So I focused on the stick insect, and slipped into a companionable stillness. 

It wasn't long before my soul quietened and I knew what was mine to do.

A moment's prayer for this creature with whom I share the planet. 

I left it where I found it, thankful.

Ancient of days

It's been a long time since I last blogged.

There have been beginnings and endings -  deaths and deterioration, a book finally completed, an easy ride to Christmas turned upside down.

And now here we are in the heat of the Kiwi summer, the hammock swinging in the breeze - idyllic, peace-full, welcoming, healing.
Time to relax, read, and rest.

But it's also time to explore, to do those things we often don't have time to do when life is full and there are so many calls on our time. 

And so we headed off to Opepe reserve, a remnant of virgin forest, left behind by the loggers who'd stopped their unthinking colonial rampage on the other side of an old track which has since become the road linking Taupo to Napier.

Warm and noisy by the road, within a few metres there was forest cool, speckled light, birdsong and a sense of stepping back into history, into the visible reality of life being given space to grow to its fullest potential - massive trees - matai, rimu, miro, totara ... all reaching their full majestic height.

I dawdled behind the others, inhaling the moist air - it's hard to put a finger on what was going on for me - but tears began to surface, there was a sense of sacred connection, of deep peace  as if I were in a holy place as I touched the ancient wonder of trees standing for centuries, knowing they would remain long after my earthly life comes to an end.

And I was reminded that within each one of us lies  our potential to give unique expression to the divine - God living, loving, suffering and creating in and through us. 

And what beauty and joy there is for others when we do just that. 

silly and scammed

I am embarrassed to relay this tale of my own stupidity but from it I learned a lesson and perhaps my experience might help prevent someone else from falling prey to online scammers.
During a particularly busy week, I was looking online for a piece of music for a service I was due to take - I found the song - not on iTunes - and downloaded it.
BUT - then warnings started to pop up on my screen - a bug had been found with dire consequences to  my computer if I didn't ring ...
And so I rang.
I didn't think
I didn't pray
I rang

And the foreign man at the other end was plausible and patient, and persuasive ... long story short ...
I ended up purchasing expensive virus protection which later turned out to be available without cost.

My dear husband was remarkably kind - he talked me through the indicators of scamming and what I  needed to do.
So it was off to the bank to cancel my credit card.
And it was off to my computer man to check the laptop for any 'search and destroy viruses' 'they' might have planted.
But most of all it was to my knees to pour out to God my regret for not pausing long enough to seek God's wisdom before I acted.

As I write about this incident now, I can see that there were other  factors apart from busyness that contributed to my being sucked in -   my pride (a misplaced sense of being 'computer-savvy' - just because sometimes I can do computer things that my husband can't) and my habit of managing by myself, going it alone.

Pride, self-sufficiency and busyness-  three classic barriers to the grace of God. I was behaving as if rushing would lead me to good decisions, as if I knew more than Wisdom, as if I could work better alone, instead of in Relationship.

I was wrong.


Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy


Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Mark Twain

Duckling time again

It's duckling time of the year again.

Across the road in some vacant land, we saw a female duck sitting awkwardly in the grass. For a moment it looked as if she'd been hit by a car as her legs were stretched out behind her and we could see her webbed feet.But, as we waited and watched, she got up and, slowly, from under her broad body, emerged duckling after duckling after duckling  - eight in all - fluffy, adorable, vulnerable.

Half an hour later, as we returned from our walk, we came across a woman, pushing a pram and trying to control an enthusiastic little dog who mistook our labrador for her best friend, much to Lara's bemusement. As dog-owners do, we got talking and found that the duck and her brood were on this woman's mind too. In fact, we learned that, every day she was doing what she could to protect and feed the little family as they grew and started to walk up and down the street near where she lived.

This woman made an impression on us both - her own evident encounter with serious health issues hadn't stopped her 'going the second mile' to care for these little creatures, We both felt humbled by her courage and compassion.

And I was reminded of the gospel passage in which Jesus speaks of his enduring desire to gather Jerusalem's children 'as a hen gathers her brood under her wings' (Luke 13.34b) - but they were not willing.

Free will - ducklings have it and sometimes it leads them into trouble...
We have it, and with it the choice to move closer to God or further away, little by little, day by day.

Are you, am I like Jerusalem's children - unwilling to be gathered under God's wings?
Or are we increasingly drawn to Jesus, keeping close to him day by day, warmed, nurtured and then freed to live an abundant life?

Working together

I spent Saturday morning at our church Gala - working alongside three other
women on the 'hot food' stall, with enticing aromas drifting from over a dozen
crock pots filled with an assortment of delicious beef, chicken and vegetarian food.
I always make the same pumpkin, red pepper , potato and lentil curry because
it's pretty fool-proof and goes down well with those for whom meat's not such an
important part of their diet.

What struck me was the simple pleasure of working together. We've known
each other really only as parishioners and priest, but here we were able to be alongside one
another, listening to each other's stories, sharing our thoughts about gardening and partners
and children and life  as we waited for customers.

photo from FAMILIES - calendar by M.I.L.K.

In the space of three hours we deepened our connection with each other, and were woven more deeply into the fabric of our church community as we served those from the wider neighbourhood who wanted feeding -  and it was fun!

Friendship, food and fun  - nothing too serious - nothing that had to be done in a particular way - nothing that cost a lot of money or had to be earned - but we were building relationships with each other, and, if we stopped to look around us, we could see the face of God:

• in the smiling butterfly-painted face of the little girl with her mum
• in the elderly man coming to get something tasty and different to take home for dinner
• in the father and son manning the sausage sizzle ...
• in people helping each other 
• in the genuine warmth which welcomed the stranger  

God's not a million light years away but right in the midst of the ordinary - if we have eyes to see!